Many times we say things that we don't really mean them. This might happen when having a fight, and we want to win it. Other times it can happen, when we just talk bluntly without any awareness of how the words we used might impact the other person.
Of course, there might be times when we want to hurt the other person, because we were hurt by them. However, most of the times we don’t really mean what we said and our intention was not to hurt others so deeply, or ruin one’s self-image.
We tend to forget how harmful one word can be. One word or statement can leave a heavy mark on other's feelings and can change their perception of themselves. For example, when we tell someone that they are a disappointment to us, they might internalize our statement and look at themselves as a failure. This can be very harmful with children whom look at us for approval.. Practicing and planning what and how to deliver our message ahead of time, is essential!
First, we need to be in a calm state of mind. This will help us in communicating better our point of view or needs.
It can be very helpful to reflect on what happened, and figure out what actually made us disappointed or concerned. Then, prepare your message and practice how to deliver a clear and non-threatening manner, by stating which specific behavior in a specific incident made us disappointed, and not relating your feelings to the person who did it.
This is a win win communication, where both sides will be less angry, anxious, or stressed.
Have you ever wonder how do you communicate with your partner, your friend or co-worker?
Throughout our life, we communicate with others without paying attention to how we interact, express our feelings or our body language. We are not aware of how much we can improve our relationships, just by using different wordings and expressions.
If we will build more awareness of the effect and impression we make when we talk, it might help to maintain good, supportive and constructive relationship.
Once factor in maintaining good relationship is keeping eye contact when talking to each other, and giving full attention to what has being said. We tend to forget how important it is to keep our attention focused on the other, which can be our child, significant other, a friend or even a colleague at work. We might be busy with other stuff that is on our mind, or our cell phone and as a result miss a congruent interaction and a deep understanding of what the other person is conveying. As a result, our reaction might be mild and/or not so sufficient, and the main point of the discussion will be missed. The other person might feel it, and won’t appreciate that at all, and that could end up in distancing from each other.
What if we were told that this is the last time that you could have a conversation with that person? Would you cherish more the time you are spending together as well as what is being said?